Ebony and Ivory
by The Straight Lesbian
Summary: I was paralyzed by her grace and beauty. There I was in the cafeteria, surely looking like some gawky idiot, when an angel skipped over to me and invited me to join her for lunch. Bellice.
1. Guess Who?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Wuthering Heights or Oblivion. Unfortunately. If I did, I'd be filthy stinking rich!**

I sighed, throwing down my battered copy of 'Wuthering Heights' in frustration. The large white house mocked my mood with it's silence, offering no relief from the complete and utter boredom that beset me.

All the Cullens except for Esme had gone hunting, and they had been away for nearly an hour now. Esme herself was still secreted in her garden, popping in occasionally to check on me in that motherly fashion of hers. I, however, had exhausted all methods of entertainment long ago. I had read for a while, then listened to some music in Edward's room, made myself a snack, and played Emmett's X-Box for a while. Whilst playing some game called 'Oblivion' and I had, ironically, been bitten by a vampire. Then I died from sun exposure though.

And now I was bored again, waiting for my angel to come home. My love, my reason to live... Screw being melodramatic, I'm in love! I thought back to when I first set eyes on her; my Alice. She wasn't easy to miss. Her and the rest of them; Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Edward, were by far the most beautiful in the room, never mind the whole world.

I felt like a deer caught in the headlights as she turned her big topaz eyes on me and I was paralyzed by her grace and beauty. There I was in the cafeteria, surely looking like some gawky idiot, when an angel skipped over to me and invited me to join her for lunch. How could I refuse such perfection? I was helpless, vunerable and weak; completely at her mercy.

Over the next few weeks, I learned everything. The impossible became reality before my very eyes and I embraced it. Why? Because I was, and am, hopelessly and irrevocably in love. Simple as.

She had apparently kept me a secret, only Jasper noticing her raised levels of excitement and, to my surprise, nervousness. Skilled at blocking her thoughts, Edward hadn't known anything either. I was the biggest surprise in their existences.

Never mind _my_ surprise at realizing my sexuality. I had always been able to appreciate good looks, regardless of gender, but this still came as a shock. Luckily for me, Charlie and Renee were both completely supportive and fell in love with Alice as soon as they met her. She had a knack of doing that to people. The Cullen's didn't seem to bat an eyelid at Alice's 'coming out'. They were apparently more concerned about her finding love than a man.

I became close friends with Edward, after a patchy start. Something to do with me being like a demon sent from hell, being his brand of heroin, etc... water under the bridge. Apparently my closed off mind intrigued him like nothing else had in a long time. That, and the fact that Alice guarranteed he wouldn't drink me dry, were the catalyst to starting a strong and lasting friendship.

Whilst also bonding over our ecclectic music taste, we talked about our past love lives, or lack thereof. I felt so sorry for him when these conversations arose. I had Alice, and he had no-one. However, that soon changed.

Throughout our many chats about this and that, I managed to glean from him (no mean feat) that he had an interest in someone. But whenever I tried to bring it up, he immediately clammed up. Eventually, and with the help of Alice, I brought it up in front of the family; determined to give him what I _knew_ would make him finally happy. Finally complete.

What ensued is a little blurry; confessions of love and much delectable boy-on-boy snogging (which was completely wasted on me) erupted. It's amazing how an empath and a mind-reader kept their feelings hidden for so long from each other. All lingering fears of rejection for their sexuality were dashed immediately following Emmett's loud outcry of '_Finally!_'. I don't know why they felt they would be rejected; everyone accepted me and Alice just fine. Maybe it's just some testosterone thing.

So, I have been a vampire's girlfriend for about a three months now. Life is good. Except when the sparkly bastards go hunting, leaving someone to 'humansit' me. Checking my watch, then remembering I didn't have one, I decided to take a shower. I dragged myself slowly up the stairs, more out of caution than complete boredom; I'm an utter klutz, a danger magnet. I know, I know; not the best occupation for a chick who hangs with vampires most of her time, but what can you do?

Grabbing a ridiculously fluffy towel from the unused press, I made my way into Alice's fabulous ensuite bathroom. Turning on the shower head, I stuck my hand in to check the temperature and stripped quickly. Avoiding the mirror, I hopped in and let out a puff of air as the delectably hot water hit me. I relaxed, letting the pounding water soothe my muscles.

So preoccupied was I with my shower, I failed to notice the bathroom door swinging slowly open, and a familiar figure slip into the room. What I did notice however, was the sudden gust of cold air as the shower door slid open, and an equally cold hand gripping my wrist.

I spun around, my heart in my throat and my blood pumping wildly around my body. The quick movement caused me to stumble, but before could fall I was caught by two strong marble arms. Barely giving me time to catch my breath, I was pressed up against the shower wall, my feeble struggles useless against such strength. Not that I really wanted to escape. My thighs tingled and heat began to pool in my abdomen. Unable to turn my head, I started when a smooth, melodious voice whispered in my ear.

"Guess who?"

**Review if you want hot lesbian sex! ;) ... Okay, that wasn't very subtle. Meh. You know you want it!**


	2. Something Raunchy

_I spun around, my heart in my throat and my blood pumping wildly around my body. The quick movement caused me to stumble, but before could fall I was caught by two strong marble arms. Barely giving me time to catch my breath, I was pressed up against the shower wall, my feeble struggles useless against such strength. Not that I really wanted to escape. My thighs tingled and heat began to pool in my abdomen. Unable to turn my head, I started when a smooth, melodious voice whispered in my ear._

_"Guess who?"_

Smooth as silk, cold fingers began tracing non-sensical patterns along my legs, leaving a trail of fire wherever they touched. My breathing hitched as they moved upwards, along my waist and danced tantalizingly just underneath my breasts. My heart was still beating wildly, but now out of excitement rather than shock.

Deciding to play along, I replied coyly," Angela?"

I was rewarded for my teasing with a swift tug of my hardened nipple and I bit back a groan.

"Nope," the liquid voice chimed," Try again." Another tweak and I breathlessly tried to retain my composure.

"Rosalie?" I gasped, unwilling to concede defeat. Another hand joined the first and my iron will flew out the window. Moaning blissfully, I managed to pant," Alice...please..."

I was spun around and greeted by a pair of twinkling topaz eyes. My angel smirked sexily and murmured," Damn right", before our lips met in a passionate tangle of tongues and moans. The amazing thing about our relationship is that, surprisingly, _I'm_ the dominant. Only in bed, mind you. Whereas she controls the outside aspect of our life, I have her completely under my thumb when it comes to anything sexual. Imagine what it'll be like when I'm a vampire... I know I do, frequently.

Heady on Alice's scent of cinnamon and chocolate, I was quickly becoming a creature of pure desire and instinct. Alice often joked I became more vampire than her whenever we made love. As our tongues danced and tasted each other, I loosened my hand from it's steel grip in her raven hair and slowly traced it down along her ribs, her waist, her hips... until I reached the apex of her perfect, ivory thighs. I slowly began tracing her folds as I started kissing down along her elegant neck, sucking and nipping at her collarbone. I smiled at the delicious sounds she was making and bit down on her perk nipple just as I slid a finger into her dripping core.

She gasped loudly, crying my name. I set up a steady rhythm, gradually adding another finger, then another, while alternatively sucking and biting on each nipple. By now she was an incoherent mess, competely at my mercy. The shower was still pouring down on top of us and the resulting steam made me feel increasingly hot and heavy. The sounds she was making were making me even more impossibly aroused, which caused me to attack her with a renewed fervour. I moved my other hand to pleasure the nipple my mouth wasn't working on, and I pinched her swollen clit between my thumb and forefinger.

As I did so she cried out, screaming my name. Her velvet inner walls clenched around my fingers and her alabastor head fell back against the slippery shower wall. When she came down from her high, I removed my fingers and, making sure she was watching me, licked them clean of her juices. She moaned wantonly and I grinned.

"You're such a tease," she groaned, breathing heavily, yet unneccessarily. I grinned wider.

"I know."

We spent the remainder of the shower washing each other, which was a strange mix of romance and erotica. Well, you don't hear me complaining. After I turned off the shower, Alice danced out and grabbed the lovely fluffy towel I had retreived earlier. She wrapped it around the both of us so that we were pressed together, chest to chest. She slowly stood up on her tiptoes and, making sure to slide seductively along my own wet body, leant in to whisper in my ear.

"Your turn."

I groaned. Quick as a flash, I was lying on Alice's wonderfully soft silk bedsheets, with her kneeling over me grinning ferally. She looked at me through hooded lids for a moment, before I became impatient.

"If you don't do something raunchy to me soon, I'll have to do it myself." I warned, running my hand slowly down my stomach. Before I could reach my destination, it was stopped in an icy grip.

"You call that a threat?" she murmured, licking and nibbling my earlobe. I shuddered and rubbed my thighs together for a bit of friction.

"Aliiiiiccceee..." I moaned, and tried moving my hand again. Again, it was stopped by the little pixie, but she took the hint this time. She crawled over me and prised apart my thighs with her petite icy hands. Pulling me forward slightly, she placed my legs over her shoulders, and leaned into the place where I wanted her the most. She took a long breath in and smiled, her eyes shades darker than they were before.

"Delicious." I squirmed in anticipation and suddenly, without warning, Alice licked up along my slit. I hissed and bucked my hips, eyes rolling at the sensation.

"Again....to it again..." I ordered breathlessly. She complied, and began lapping at my centre, her cold vampire tongue adding to the sensation. She moved one of her hands up along the inside of my thigh, and pinched my clit, just as she slid her tongue into my core.

"Oh God Alice!" I screamed. I was so close to the edge...the mixture of her cold tongue working it's magic and her ruthless yet gentle assault on my clit was a sensation overload. Before I could cum, however, I made a quick decision.

"Stop Alice, not like this!" I panted, just before I fell over the edge. She immediately stopped and I couldn't help but moan at the loss of her tongue on me. She looked up at me curiously and I almost came at the sight of her, between my legs, my juices dripping down her chin. Not wasting any time, I told her breathlessly," Kiss me." and again, she complied quickly. I plundered her mouth desperately, tasting myself on her tongue. Breaking away to take a breath, I told her," Sixty-nine, Alice, _now_." She grinned widely, and said," I thought you'd never tell me to." and moved into position.

With her delectable slit over me, I reached up and stroked her thighs and pert bum, before gripping onto them and leaning up to bite her clit. Just as I did so, she again slid her tongue into me and I moaned. The vibrations caused her to gasp and she quickly picked up her speed. I copied her movements, and slid my tongue into her dripping centre.

"So...fucking...warm..." she groaned, and I smiled into her slit. I didn't really swear much, but Alice had a surprisingly filthy mouth. I liked it.

Knowing I was close, I increased the ferosity of my actions, wanting her to cum with me. It didn't take long, as we were both already so het up, and we cried out simultaneously.

"Alice!" I screamed, clutching her so tightly it would have been painful to any human.

"Shit, Bella!" she hissed, her small body convulsing, She grabbed the sheets tightly and I dimly heard a ripping noise. She collapsed, half on top of me, and we both lay there panting, recovering from the intense orgasms.

When I had somewhat recovered, I lazily turned my head towards her and patted the empty bed space beside me. She crawled up and we curled around each other protectively.

"I missed you." I murmured into her ivory shoulder.

"I missed you too." she replied, her beautiful bell-like voice the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep sleep.

**A/N: Hi again! There you have it, hot lesbian sex. I kept my word! Now, some people have been asking if I'll make this more than a two-shot. Well, that's entirely up to you guys. If I get lots of lovely reviews, as I did for the last chapter, I'll make this a longer story. Deal?**


	3. Randy Vampires

_"I missed you." I murmured into her ivory shoulder._

_"I missed you too." she replied, her beautiful bell-like voice the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep sleep._

I awoke several hours later, if the darkening sky was any method of judgment. Still curled around my little vampire, I looked down to find her smiling up at me.

"You're hungry." she said, just before my stomach rumbled embarrassingly.

"You'd think she'd _eaten_ enough already, wouldn't ya?" yelled Emmett from downstairs. I blushed furiously, muttering something about stupid vampires and their stupid super vampiric hearing. Alice just giggled and jumped out of the bed, dragging me with her. I let her dress me resignedly, knowing from past experiences the futility of resistance. So thus, dominant sexy Bella stayed in bed, while bashful, clumsy Bella came out to play.

"There, all done." she chimed eventually, still naked herself. I had been appreciating the way her bum looked as she walked around while playing Bella Barbie, and reluctantly looked away to glance in the mirror. I still wasn't quite used to the way Alice always managed to make me look. We had, after all, only been going out for the past two months.

I was wearing a rather flattering v-neck blue t-shirt, with bootcut jeans and navy converse. I turned to grin at my love, and found her already dressed. I pouted.

"I prefer you naked." She pouted, much more effectively, back at me.

"But amn't I pretty in this?" She twirled around, allowing me to admire her from all angles. I must admit, she looked abso-fucking-lutely GORgeous. She was wearing a short sleeveless black dress with an empire waistline, which made her look positively ravishing. As she twirled, I followed the hem's progress up her thighs. Missing nothing, as per usual, Alice giggled.

"My little hormonal human." she teased, kissing me chastely on the lips before flitting out of the room. I growled playfully and followed her, at a much slower pace, down the stairs. As I toed my way down the steps, cautious lest I should fall, I remenisced back to when we had our first date.

Not that it was really a 'date', in the conventional sense of the word. I had known her a few months, and it was a few days before term ended. We had been having lunchtime chats, becoming closer and closer. I was being drawn towards her, and I really didn't care. I had gleaned some information regarding 'what she was' exactly, and I knew I was close to answers. I also knew I wasn't going anywhere when I got them. Anyway, she invited me to go shopping for prom, and I said yes, albeit reluctantly. As much as I was dazzled by the pixie's charm and beauty, I really, _really_ hated shopping.

Well, one thing led to another, and soon I was jumping her in the changing rooms. _Not_ the classiest way to start a relationship, but the girl had just put on a plunging v-neck dress _with_ patent leather heels for Christ's sake! I dare anyone to resist. No seriously, because if anyone so much as _looks_ at Alice wrong, I will gouge out their eyes.

My vampire family find this endlessly amusing. Edward once compared me to a kitten who thinks it's a tiger. I broke his favourite Debussy cd. He hasn't crossed me since.

None of the school knows we're dating yet- we got together 'officially' after school term had ended. We're currently in the middle of August, nearing that ultimate date; the return to school. Alice and I still haven't talked about whether we want to go public or not.. we've spent most of our time boinking.

I wandered into the spacious white living-room, following the delicious smell of frying bacon. Noticing Emmett lounging on the sofa, I remembered his earlier comment and scowled. He waved at me and grinned, the cocky little bugger. I growled at him, unable to hit him unless I felt a particularly strong urge to break my hand. He just laughed.

"You just wait until I'm a vampire, muscle-man, _then _we'll see who's laughing." I growled. He held up his hands in acquiesence, ruining the effect by snickering. In a retaliation of high class and ingenuity, I stuck out my tongue.

"Bella! Stop planning on ways to castrate Emmett and come have some food!" yelled Alice from the kitchen. Muttering darkly, I followed the little vampire's advice and made my way into the gleaming dis-used kitchen.

"Here you go sweetie." trilled Alice, proudly handing me a delicious looking BLT on a sparkling plate. My stomach growled again, and she giggled.

"Hey, where are Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Well, Carlisle had a late shift, and Esme went to 'visit' him." answered Alice from her perch on the table, putting quotation marks around the word 'visit'. I blushed, images of a nurse Esme a la Scarlett Johansson entering my mind.

As I was finishing the surreally professional sandwich, Edward and Jasper walked in, holding hands. My heart melted just a little bit, and Jasper raised an eyebrow at me. I just shrugged as if to say,'Yeah, well, you owe me.' Edward grinned unabashedly at me.

Ever since he and Jasper had gotten together, Edward was a changed man. Vampire. Whatever... My point is, he was always smiling and laughing. He was still impossibly sarcastic and cynical, with a tongue as sharp as his wit, but now he didn't just have his dashing half-crooked smirk; he had full-blown smiles. He didn't just chuckle anymore; for the first time, I heard him collapse with laughter. It was an amazing change, and it affected everyone in the household.

The change was more subtle in Jasper. He was still quiet and contemplative, less volatile then Edward, but he now had a near constant faint smile on his face. It was so endearing to see the usually stoic vampire relax and enjoy himself. And I can tell you, it made me feel bloody good about myself. I had finally given something back to Alice's family, and I had full gloating privelages for the forseeable future.

Alice had told me so.

I broke out of my thoughts rather rapidly when Edward grabbed me around the waist and turned me upside down. I squealed, begging for mercy, but he was pitiless.

"What on earth were you thinking about?" Edward laughed, shaking me playfully. "I _said,_ do you want to go a movie tonight?" I crossed my arms in a dignified manner, which is hard to do when being held upside-down by an amused vampire.

"I might be able to tell you if all the blood in my body wasn't rushing to my head!" I quipped.

"From what we heard, your _head_ is pretty good- Alice seemed to enjoy it!" roared Emmett from the next room. We heard a loud _smack_ and Rosalie wandered into the kitchen, wiping her hands with an oily cloth. She raised an eyebrow at the scene in front of her; Alice stifling giggles, Jasper radiating amusement, and Edward dangling me upside down while grinning evilly.

"You probably should put her down Eddiekins," she said smoothly, Edward growling at the nickname. "Giving her a nosebleed probably wouldn't be the best idea in the world."

I was quickly uprighted, staggering slightly from the sudden change of position.

Rosalie had been cold towards me at first, but had quickly thawed when Alice saw me becoming a vampire. Plus, I proved Edward not fancying her didn't mean anything. Him being gay and all.

"So, d'you wanna come?" queried Edward again.

"Are you sure that's, y'know, a good idea?" I asked worriedly, biting my lower lip. In the corner of my eye I saw Alice's eyes darken slightly and smirked. Jasper shifted slightly and glared pointedly at Alice, who in return pointedly ignored him. Resuming my original train of thought, I continued," I mean, the cinema's a big crowd of hormonal humans in a small space... Would it be wise to go there with a bunch of randy vampires in tow?"

"Well, we're already desensitized by the most _hormonal _human out there." snickered Emmett, walking into the kitchen at last. Rosalie made to hit him again and he baulked, backtracking. "Well, we could go to either a really bad or a really old film! That way no humans would be there, I don't think, and that would solve the minor risk of bloodlust?"

"And it _would_ solve the randyness." chirped Alice. I blushed and Edward winked at me, smirking wickedly.

Jasper, sensing my remaining concern, stepped in. "Don't worry Bella, if we didn't think we could control ourselves, we wouldn't go."

Alice skipped over and placed a placatory hand on my shoulder. "Nothing happens... well, nothing _bad_." she purred, winking.

I blushed further but smiled, my worries alleviated. "So when are we leaving?" asked Rosalie, eyeing Alice knowingly.

"Now, which _means_, I get to dress you up again!" she trilled, grabbing my arm. I rolled my eyes, making the others laugh. "That means you also get to _un_dress her again Alice!" yelled Emmett, already running from Rosalie's immenent backhand.

"Well, I _am_ feeling quite randy." I purred in her ear, half smiling. She growled playfully, and before we entered her bedroom at vampire speed, I heard her yell, "Actually, we're leaving in an hour!"

**A/N: Hello there! I've had such amazing feedback from all of you, and I just wanna thank you soo much! This was mainly a filler chapter, just giving a bit more background and some innuendos. I felt such pressure to make this one **_**good**_** after all the amazing feedback, and I hope it wasn't too crap! :D**

**And, I **_**am**_** making this a longer story, I recieved no negatives in that respect, so full steam ahead!**

**Tell me what movie you think they should go to, and the person with the best idea gets the chapter dedicated to them. AND each reviewer gets a preview of the next chapter. (How cool am I?)**


	4. Roadside Sex

_"Now, which means, I get to dress you up again!" she trilled, grabbing my arm. I rolled my eyes, making the others laugh. "That means you also get to undress her again Alice!" yelled Emmett, already running from Rosalie's immenent backhand._

_"Well, I am feeling quite randy." I purred in her ear, half smiling. She growled playfully, and before we entered her bedroom at vampire speed, I heard her yell, "Actually, we're leaving in an hour!"_

Sure enough, an hour later, we were all seated in various ostentatious cars; Alice, Rosalie and Jasper in Alice's yellow porsche, Emmett, Edward and I in Edward's Aston Martin. I was, of course, in the backseat- Emmett having called shotgun much faster than I could ever hope to until I was a vampire.

"Whose bloody bright idea was it to split us all up?" I whinged, sulking. Edward seemed to mirror my reluctance, albeit less immaturely, and he kept glancing towards the speeding porsche just in front of us. It was Emmett, naturally, who answered my rhetorical question.

"Well, we used to have all the men in one car, all the girls in the other, but since four of us turned out to be raging homos," Edward snarled and I raised an eyebrow. He just grinned shamelessly and ploughed on. "...Raging homos, we had to come up with a new method of preventing backseat sex."

I 'humphed', and slouched back further in the seat. The car sped along in silence for a while before I suddenly realized something.

"Hey, did Alice tell us what movie we're gonna see?" Emmett's forehead scrunched up before the same realization dawned on his face. Edward just shook his head slightly.

"No, she's even blocking it from me. She's currently replaying every single moment of your last, ehm, exhibition of randyness in vivid detail." I blushed furiously even as heat pooled in my abdomen and a shiver ran between my thighs. Emmett obviously noticed this and took full advantage of the situation.

"Oooh, Bella's gettin' _hoooorrrny_!!!" he sang, clearly delighted. I growled at him, furious. Even Edward was snickering.

"Edward!" I cried, desperate and mortified," Whose side are you on?!" Both vampires ignored me, revelling in my mortification. Stupid glittery vampires and their stupid upper hand in embarrassing situations...

After another few minutes of me sulking and them snickering to themselves, the car descended into silence once more. I watched the scenery roll by much too quickly and let my thoughts wander to stolen moments with Alice.

"Shit!" hissed Edward suddenly, jerking me out of my thoughts. I stared at him in shock, uncomprehending. He was glaring at the yellow porsche directly in front of us, his jaw tight and his hands clenching noticably on the steering wheel. _But Edward never swears..._ I thought to myself detatchedly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I became fearful. _What if someone's hurt, or in trouble, or oh God Alice..._

"Edward!!" I cried, my voice high and tremulous,"What's happened? What's wrong?" His hard stare did not move from the porsche, nor did his stance relax.

"Nothing's wrong." he spat between clenched jaws. Emmett surprised me by guffawing loudly.

"What?" I cried desperately, confused and anxious. Between bouts of laughter, he explained," Jasper's letting his thoughts get a bit... rambunctious!"

I stared at him in incomprehension while my breathing and heartbeat returned to normal. Still laughing, he gestured to Edward's crotch. I looked at Edward, still stiff and staring, breathing rather heavily now, and it dawned on me. I snorted.

"Now who's horny?" Emmett broke into fresh peals of laughter and I began giggling along with him.

"Shutupshutupshutup_shutup_!" Edward hissed. Before Edward could stop him, Emmett grabbed the small silver phone off the dashboard and pressed speed dial 2. He put it on speaker phone and Alice picked up almost immediately.

"How can we help you?" she asked too innocently. I knew her voice well enough to know she was surpressing giggles all the while.

"We have a, uhm, _situation_ here," I giggled, and Emmett doubled over with mirth. Edward was too tightly wound to do anything but glare.

"Oh my, whatever could be the problem? I would dearly love to help." came Jasper's southern drawl from the phone. His voice oozed sex and smugness.

"Fuck!!" yelled Edward suddenly, and his whole body tensed even further. It was so out of character for him that everyone broke anew into helpless laughter, including Alice and Rose, who we could hear over the phone.

"So help me if I break this steering wheel because of you, Jasper Whitlock Cullen, I am _not_ doing _anything_ out of those thoughts for a _decade_!!" snarled Edward, clearly beginning to come apart at the seams.

"Oh balls, he's gonna dent my porsche!" sighed Alice. "Alright, alright, I'm pulling over Edward, don't get your knickers in a twist." Both cars swerved dangerously into a bank at the side of the road, just in front of a dense forest. Before I could even blink, Edward was out of the car and ripping open the porsche's door. I caught a glimpse of Jasper just as he was being yanked out of the car and thrown over Edward's shoulders. He had a wide, satisfied grin on his face, and he winked at me before they disappeared into the forest.

I turned to Emmett. "Well, you may have prevented backseat sex, but you haven't prevented roadside sex."

___________________________________

We decided to continue on to the movie's, minus Jaspward. Emmett had "cleverly" come up with names for each of the couples. Alice and I were 'Bellice', apparently. In retaliation, I called him 'Emmalie', but it didn't deter him as I had hoped. Whenever Edward and I started doing our best-friendy type stuff in public, like in-jokes and talks about music that no-one else had ever heard of, he called us Bedward. There was also Jaspella (Jasper and I), Bellett (him and I), Ralice (Rosie and Alice)... it goes on. Emmett gets very bored sometimes.

We finally reached Port Angeles, and to my confusion, parked beside the town square. As I stepped out of the car, the church bell tolled eight o'clock and I joined Alice as she slid gracefully from the leather seat of her 'baby'.

"The cinema's at the far side of town..." I said, looking down at her quizzically.

"Yup!" she said, popping the 'p' sound at the end. I sighed, knowing her well enough that this was meant to be a surprise, and merely held her hand and let her guide the way. Emmett and Rosalie followed behind us, clearly also just as clueless as I.

We had been walking for only five minutes when we stopped outside a slightly run-down building. The street we were on was narrower than the previous and had only a few walking up and down it. Most of them, a group of about five people, appeared to be waiting for something outside the same building as us. The building was old, the black double doors had peeling paint, and the windows were covered in posters and advertisements.

Not liking the way the strangers were staring at her, I put an arm around Alice's narrow shoulders.

"This is the place!" she chirped, seemingly oblivious to my over-protectiveness. Emmett appraised the building.

"This is a cinema? Really?"

"It's an indie cinema. They play old or quirky films, instead of new ones like the mainstream cinemas." explained Alice.

"So, what's on tonight?"

"Just wait and see." she giggled, winking at me.

Suddenly the doors opened, and everyone began filing inside. The foyer felt like something out of an old movie itself, with rich red velvet sofas and dark mahogany walls. The only sources of light were strategically placed candles along the hall. The ticket desk was simply an old table with a bored looking teen giving people stamps on the back of their hand. The teen had multiple piercings and had plainly dyed black hair.

_Actually, now that I look around, most of the other people are similarly dressed..._ I thought curiously. Glancing at Alice, I saw that she was grinning mischieviously. _What on earth are we going to see?_

After recieving our stamps, we proceeded past the teen to the end of the hallway, where a battered wooden door stood open. Beyond it was a decently proportioned room, with rows of clearly new seats designed for a cinema, and a large screen at the far end.

The other people were seated near the screen, so we sat down at the very back of the room. I settled down with my arm around Alice, and waited in comfortable silence for the movie to start.

Just as the lights were dimming, a felt a cool rush of air, and looked around for the source. Jasper and Edward were seated in the row in front of us, looking distinctly dishevelled. I giggled.

"Edward, you've got leaves in your hair." He turned around and grinned sheepishly at me, running a hand through his copper hair. His countenance was such a stark contrast to earlier. He was back to the shy, gentlemanly guy he always was. _He's like me that way_, I mused, _shy on the outside, an animal in bed. We have so much in common in the first place, we would have made a good couple. If we both weren't gay that is..._

I broke out of my thoughts as the movie began. Jasper was oozing satisfaction, and everyone in the cinema was sitting lower in their seats, a smile on their face. Alice rested her head on my shoulder and I placed my head on hers. However, I quickly jerked upwards when the title came up.

"Are you _serious?!_"

**AN: Howdy y'all! I'm feelin' the Jasper love recently, since I got hooked on True Blood. I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I was away without either internet or a laptop!**

**And, I know I was meant to let you know what movie it was in this one, but the cliffy was just too good to resist! So, the **_**next**_** chapter will be dedicated to that person, coz if I tell you who it is now, you'll all look at the comments and find the film. Buahaha. :D Till next time... stud ;)**


	5. Hot Pink Vibrator

**A/N: Yes, I'm not dead! Longer A/N at the bottom. By the way, this chapter is dedicated to Gemini Stones, for the awesome movie idea.**

_Jasper was oozing satisfaction, and everyone in the cinema was sitting lower in their seats, a smile on their face. Alice rested her head on my shoulder and I placed my head on hers. However, I quickly jerked upwards when the title came up._

_"Are you serious?!"_

Emmett burst out laughing and Jasper's shoulders began shaking. Rosalie rolled her eyes and I heard Edward sigh. I just stared at Alice in disbelief. She met my gaze evenly, a perfectly innocent look on her face.

"Dracula?!"

She just smiled at me, angelically.

"You know this is a walking cliche, right?" I demanded. The people at the front of the theatre were giving us dirty looks, so Emmett shut up at a nudge from Rosalie, albeit reluctantly.

"Don't you trust me?" queried Alice, already knowing the answer. I sighed.

"Of course I do darling."

"So shut up and watch the movie." she said firmly, turning her own head back to the screen. Emmett made a 'whipped' noise and I threw a penny at him that I had in my pocket. He caught it without even turning his head, of course, and pocketed it. _When I'm a vampire..._

The movie began with Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder being very dramatic and tear-streaked. Next thing I knew, a crusifix was gushing blood... slightly confusing stuff. I tried my best to pay attention, but it was hard with Alice beside me. She kept giggling at the vampiric myths, like not being seen in the mirror, fangs and turning into wierd beasty things.

One of the most amusing things that happened whilst we were watching the film occurred when the Texan entered and the ginger whore sidled up to him and said "It's sooo big... Can I hold it?" and then pulled out his knife. I heard Edward repeat it to Jasper in a low sultry voice, smooth as velvet, while doing things with his hand that I couldn't see. Jasper moaned and the levels of lust in the theatre rose astronomically.

Overcome with need, I slid the arm that was around Alice's shoulder's down further and under her dress. Still looking at the screen but not really seeing it, I cupped her perfect white breast and began teasing her pebbled nipple. I heard her suck in a sharp breath as I pinched it harshly.

I leaned in and began licking and sucking on her neck whilst massaging her breast with my right hand, leaving my left hand rubbing circles higher and higher on her thigh. Suddenly, without any warning, all the lust was sucked out of the room, to be replaced by crippling disappointment and frustration.

"Oh, that is _such_ a turn-off." I heard Edward mutter. I lifted my head muzzily, still a bit hazy after such intense levels of lust.

"_What?_" Jasper hissed, the movie completely forgotten. Edward turned to glare, surprisingly, at Alice.

"Three words: Bella, Alice, and a hot pink vibrator." I stared at Alice, completely and utterly turned on again. She stuck out her tongue at Edward and smirked at me, sniffing exaggeratedly and looking pointedly at my crotch. In an attempt to retain some of my lost dignity, I said,

"Pink? You know I prefer blue."

"Not tonight you don't."

I'm pretty sure my mouth was open by now, but I was far too turned on to care. However, whenever I tried to resume my previous actions, the little pixie slapped my hands away! Grr. Bella _not_ happy.

We all continued watching the film, though with various degrees of difficulty; I was drooling thinking about tonight. Jasper turned to look at me, exasperated, but I ignored him. Edward seemed to be in a battle between his own ferocious lust, and his utter disgust at Alice's, ehem, "visions".

_Ooh_, I thought detatchedly, which is something I seem to do a lot, _Lust and disgust ryhme..._

Then, all of a sudden, Alice stiffened, and Edward's head whipped around inhumanly fast.

"What?" I whispered urgently, for the second time that day. You're never bored when you hang with vampires, that's for sure. The two most important people in my life shared a panicked look, before the smaller one began dragging me out of the cinema. When I clearly wasn't running/being dragged sufficiently fast enough, I was hoisted into the air and all of a sudden the world became a blur. I scrunched shut my eyes, and held onto Alice like a vice - I hated being carried at this speed.

Eventually, after about fifteen minutes, we began to slow down. Gingerly, I cracked open one eye. We were in a forest, probably the one around Forks near the Cullen house/mansion/palace. Still clinging to Alice like a limpet, I opened both eyes accusingly.

"You mind telling me what the _hell_ that was about?" My stomach was a bit queasy from the break-neck speed at which I knew we'd been travelling, which did nothing to improve my mood. Alice just looked at me, rather oddly in my opinion.

"How do you feel?" she asked, setting me down gently. I sat back against the trunk of a rather large cedar, and stared at her disbelievingly. "Seriously?" I asked, my voice rising in anger. A part of me was shocked about how emotional I suddenly was, but the rest was beyond reason.

Alice nodded, standing an odd distance away from me. As if she couldn't bear to be near me. Her voice was strained too, as if she were trying not to breath. I felt the space between us like a punch in the chest. My eyes watered and hot tears began to spill inexplicibly down my flushed cheeks.

"Why do you even care?" I sobbed, my arms hugging my torso. My stomach felt worse now, and my old self-hatred was coming back with a vengence. _She's sick of you, you whore. Seriously, what were you thinking? Throwing yourself at her, all the time. Needy slut. How could she ever want you? Your ribs show when you lie down, you don't have a chest to speak of, you're a plain, unworthy _ugly_ human._

Alice seemed shocked at my sudden hysterics, but she still didn't come any closer. " Bella, calm down, please!"

"I'm _sorry_ Alice!" I was screaming now, my voice thick with tears."I love you! _Please!_ I can be better! DON'T LEAVE ME!" I curled into a fetal position, my stomach pain matching that of my heart. Sobs racked my skinny frame so violently I was sure I was just going to fly apart at the seams.

In an instant I felt stone arms embrace me, and I gripped her dress desperately, my tears staining it's expensive embroidery. Once I had calmed myself to a certain degree, I began to notice her crooning gently in my ear.

"Shhh, it's okay, I'm not leaving, you silly girl..."

I sniffed, looking up into her serene, if worried, eyes. "You're not... leaving me?" I whispered, hardly daring to hope. She looked relieved, and a bit sad, as she said "No, of course not, my little hormonal human."

I threw my arms around her with renewed sobs, and held her tightly. Her leg was pressed between mine awkwardly, but I didn't really notice. _She still wanted me_. After a while, I realised she was stiff under my arms, and I remembered how well she could lie. I pulled back, and noticed her nostrils flaring. Her eyes were almost completely black, and as my stomach gave another painful twinge everything suddenly clicked.

"Oh," I gasped softly. Then I blushed. _Bella, you idiotic piece of crap._ I scrambled to put some space between me and the hungry vamp. "I'm so sorry Alice!"

_Of all the stupid fucking human things that could happen, NOW I had to get my first ever period._ Of _course_ I was ridiculously emotional. Of_ course_ my self esteem was about a minus three out of twenty. Of _course _my stomach hurt, and of _course _Alice, my angel, had dragged my away from a vampire with poor self-control and another to whom I was a singer.

"I'm such an idiot," I muttered, mortified. Alice was still sitting frozen, and I looked over to see if she was okay. Slowly, stiffly, she looked down at her bare leg. Which now had a streak of blood on it.

It wasn't a huge amount, just a small streak. I had forgone underwear in anticipation of this evening, and I must have soaked through the jeans I was wearing. Unconciously, I held my breath. A fleeting thought passed through my mind, _How had Alice not Seen this?_, but I brushed it aside. There were far more pressing things to worry about.

Slowly, still oh so slowly, she bent down towards her soiled shin. She sniffed, and her obsidian eyes fluttered closed. There wasn't a sound to be heard, just my heart beating irratically in my chest. Then, suddenly, she moaned. And looked up at me.

I froze, all brain function ceasing, trapped in her animalistic gaze.

She pounced.

**A/N: So! Hi! I hope you all don't hate me :( I know it's been almost a year since I updated... it was back in August wasn't it?! I AM SO SORRY! I actually do love you all. I was just going through some heavy shit, and I still am, but the drugs keep me going... lol not really. I wish :P **

**Wanna hear something ironic? I called myself the Straight Lesbian as an in-joke, because everyone always thought (and do think) that me and my buddy Igneous Pride (I love her, check out her page, she rocks my socks!) were gay with each other. TURNS OUT I'M BISEXUAL. Go figure :) Sooo, I feel totally okay in telling all you total strangers this because you're reading lesbian porn, basically. You pervs.**

**And aren't you guys proud of me? I actually have some semblance of a plot in this one! Plus, for anyone who read my HP fanfic 'It Goes On', that'll be starting up again soon. AND I have a Hermione/Luna one in the works.**

**So... review? Please? Even if it's just to say how much you missed me? *puppy dog eyes* Reviewers get a preview and I'll update by tomorrow.... well, this evening. (It's twenty to five in the morning right now. Shit.)**

**I LOVE YOU LIKE BERT LOVES ERNIE MINUS ALL THE GAY BUTTSEX BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A PENIS!**

**This is my version of romance. Deal with it.**


	6. Pain

**A/N: Okay, so I suppose I deserve the less than enthusiastic deluge of reviews. But, as I promised, here's the next chapter!! This one's for you, duckypmls :D and I promise you'll get your bedward fluff soon! **

* * *

_Slowly, still oh so slowly, she bent down towards her soiled shin. She sniffed, and her obsidian eyes fluttered closed. There wasn't a sound to be heard, just my heart beating irratically in my chest. Then, suddenly, she moaned. And looked up at me._

_I froze, all brain function ceasing, trapped in her animalistic gaze._

_She pounced._

In the split-second it took for her to become airborne, a pale streak came speeding through the trees and knocked her from her path just as she was about to reach me. There was a brief tussle, too brief to seem real and I wondered if I was dreaming. However, when the pale streak turned out to be Carlisle, holding a struggling Alice tightly to his chest, I knew it was real. None of my dreams containing Alice had ever co-starred Carlisle.

I jumped about a mile when a cold hand touched my shoulder gently.

"Breathe, Bella." a voice commanded softly. I relaxed; it was Esme. I suddenly felt drained; physically and emotionally. I collapsed into Esme's awaiting arms, and closed my eyes as oblivion consumed me.

* * *

"Is she awake yet?"

"Does she _look_ awake?"

"I'm not the one with two medical degrees here!"

"Hey now, guys-"

"Shh! She's waking up!"

The angry voices around me halted and I opened my eyes warily. At first all I could see was a blur, which eventually resolved itself into five vaguely recognisable anxious vampire faces.

"Ow" I said, brilliantly. Then I realised exactly what the bloody hell was going on. I sat up, clutching my head in one hand as the room spun. Five pairs of cold hands fluttered around me helplessly, and I brushed them off. My abdomen was almost crippling me with cramps, and I bent double, a sweat breaking out on my forehead. There was only one solution to pain, in my experience, and my brain was on autopilot.

"Drugs, Carlisle, seriously!" I managed, in too much pain to be polite. In a heartbeat a cool glass and two small pills were being pressed into my hands. Foregoing the water, I dry swallowed the tablets.

"Are you okay Bella?" queried Edward worriedly. I looked up at him through the haze of pain, wondering why I started panicking as soon as I noticed he was here, with me. _Oh..._

"Edward!" I began to stand up, but fell to my knees as another sharp cramp racked my lower torso. To my shame, I started crying. Again.

"Where's Alice?" I wailed, pitifully. Strong arms picked me up and replaced me on the sofa. The cold skin felt wonderful on my own fevered version, and I grabbed the hand, not caring whose it was, and placed it on my belly.

"Oomph" I huffed. This was so much more painful than I'd ever thought it would be.

My vision began to clear some more, and I recognised Esme's, Rosalie's, Emmett's, Edward's and Carlisle's worried faces. Carlisle owned the hand currently soothing my abdomen.

"What the fu-gah! -are you all doing here?" I managed. _When are the bloody fucking drugs going to kick in?_ To my irritation, they all just looked at each other then back at me. Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Bella," he began cautiously," is this your first period?" Convulsing sharply, I nodded.

"For God's sake Carlisle, do something!" cried Edward, seeing me double up in pain.

"Edward, you should go-OH!" I growled. "I'm _bleeding_ you mo-RON! GaaaaAAAH!" I shrieked. Nothing had ever hurt this much before, not even that time I had fallen off my bike and broken my arm. Why wouldn't Carlisle give just give me morphine, or vicodin or _something_?!

"ALICE!" I sobbed. _I'm dying, there's no way I'm going to survive this, how is it getting WORSE?_

But Alice wasn't here. Was she feeling guilty about almost draining me? Or was it something more? I froze.

"B-Bella?" said Esme, clearly terrified at the sudden change in my countenance. I let the pain wash over me.

_I was right._

_She doesn't want me._

The pain seemed less now that I was detatched from it. I welcomed it - it was surely killing me. Better than having to do it myself.

"Bella, what's happened? Does it not hurt anymore?" Edward was kneeling beside me, his face peering anxiously into mine. I gazed lethargically back, expressionless. This seemed to scare him more than the pain did.

"Bella? _Bella?_ Snap out of it!" _Fear. Rhymes with beer. And leer. Queer.... _I smiled, vaguely.

"Her heart rate's slowing, Carlisle! What's happening?"

"I don't know!" _There's something I thought I'd never hear..._

"Someone, get Alice! Something's wrong with Bella!" Cold air rushed past me, and I knew that Esme, Rosalie and Emmett had gone. _That's nice of them, getting her for me to say goodbye. They shouldn't force her though... not if she doesn't want to._

"Hey Edward," I croaked. _Wow my voice is weak._ His head shot up to meet my heavy-lidded gaze _pain pain pain pain..._

"Yes Bella?" he replied quickly _pain pain pain pain pain..._

"Fear..." I began, barely noticing as the others returned," ryhmes with _queer_!" I giggled, sort of. Sounded like a noise a mouse would make _pain pain pain pain pain pain pain..._

"Bella!" cried an all-too-familiar voice. Suddenly, Edward's copper head was replaced with Alice's ebony one. Ebony and ivory, her hair and her skin _pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain..._

There was so much to say, yet so little. I smiled as two exhausted tears made their way down my cheeks.

"I love you." I whispered _pain pain pain __pain __PAIN_

Blackness, again. For the last time. Emmett must be singing, I thought comically, because it's over now. I have no reason to

to stay.

I can go.

Goodbye Alice.

**VVVV Review VVVV**

**You know you want to.**


	7. Hysterthingummy

_"I love you." I whispered pain pain pain __pain __PAIN_

_Blackness, again. For the last time. Emmett must be singing, I thought comically, because it's over now. I have no reason to_

_to stay._

_I can go._

_Goodbye Alice._

I dreamt that I was running with Alice though the woods, holding hands. That's how I knew it was a dream; how the hell else would I be able to keep up with Alice? Also, the Thong Song was playing in the background, and Edward would never allow that to be played within a ten mile radius of him.

_I like it when the beat goes da na da na_

_Baby make your booty go da na da na_

_Girl I know you wanna show da na da na_

_That thong th-thong thong thong..._

"Bella? Bella!" I heard a voice call. It sounded amused, and I wondered why. Thongs are a serious matter.

_That girl so scandalous_

_And I know another nigga couldn't handle it_

_And she shakin that thang like who's dat bitch_

_With a look in her eye so devilish..._

"Bella, wake up, you're embarrassing yourself," that was Rosalie. The song stopped suddenly, and I realized I had been the one singing it. I opened one eye groggily, and stared at the blonde vampire, who was standing just beside my feet.

"You're just jealous of my mad skillz," I said condescendingly, peering down my nose at her. I heard a giggle and turned to look beside me, opening both eyes in the process. Alice stared back at me, her topaz eyes warm and sparkly. _Like topazes_, I deducted brilliantly.

"Bitch be trippin'," I muttered to her, so that Rosalie wouldn't hear. Wouldn't want a pissy vamp on my hands. Alice grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Well, at least she's making sense," a third voice said, followed quickly by a loud crash. I sat up to see what had happened, and promptly fell off the couch. Well, I tried to. Alice caught me before I hit the ground, and I gazed up at her in dazed admiration.

"You're so chivalrous!" I gushed, batting my eyes. She giggled again (_How I love that sound..._) and sat me upright on the sofa. I looked around the room solemnly, swaying slightly. Carlisle was smiling at me in amusement, holding an empty syringe in his hand. Edward was being helped up by Jasper from his position amidst a pile of broken glass, which I assumed was the previously whole priceless glass table that had graced the living room.

"Jasper!" I cried, shocked,"It is not the place of a lady to bend over in the company of others!" Everyone stared at me in bemusement before bursting into laughter, which I found insulting. Before I could demonish them for being so rude, Carlisle stepped forward and placed a placating hand on my shoulder.

"Bella dear, we put you under with a teensy bit of morphine, and you're still slightly high from the drug." I gave him a big smile, coz that's what you're meant to do with doctors, and threw myself around his waist in a huge hug.

"Oh Doctor Cullen, what would I do without you? You are so very sparkly with your teeth and the hair and you sooo look like Zeus's younger more attractive brother and that's why everyone wants to doooooo you!" I trilled emotionally into his belly button. "Except me, no offence, but I'm gaaay! Grow some breasticles and come see me then!"

I could hear more laughter in the background and I wondered what Emmett had done that was so funny. I disengaged myself from Carlisle's waist, and began to peer around him, when I got distracted. I stared at his neatly pressed trousers for a full five minutes, during which he became increasingly nervous and uncomfortable, as did everyone else in the room.

"Bella..?" began Alice tentively, snapping me out of my reverie. I met her gaze in awe and leaned in to her ear.

"I can see why Esme married him; he's _packing_!" I whispered conspiritorally. There was a pregnant silence.

"Bella!" cried Esme and Alice, while everyone except Carlisle fell about laughing. Carlisle himself dropped his majestic head into his manly hands.

"Did everyone hear that?" I asked, dismayed. He nodded, still hiding his face. "Oh."

The drug was beginning to wear off and things slowly became more lucid.

"Wait, why was I given drugs in the first place? Why amn't I in pain anymore? Why was I in pain? Amn't I bleeding- Oh My God Alice!" I screeched, standing so suddenly it made my head spin. I staggered and was caught by Carlisle. Ignoring the spinning room, I groped for Alice, and found her cold hands.

"What... why... how... you?" I tried to speak, but the words kept getting lost in my throat. For the bazillionth time that day, my eyes began to water. Before I starting leaking for good, I was back in Alice's arms being held and rocked like a child. The room was no longer laughing; everyone was deathly serious, and Carlisle looked so sad. Esme came over and sat beside Alice, putting a hand on my arm. I was so confused, and it must have shown.

"Bella, I have some bad news."

_Well fuck, _I thought.

"Am I right in saying that was your first period?" he asked, and I nodded, hiding my blush in Alice's shoulder. I noticed she had changed into jeans and a tee. _Oh damn it anyway, am I still in my bloody, literally, jeans?_ A quick look down reassured me that no, I was actually in a rather embarrassing pair of flannel pyjamas, covered in little yellow duckies. Shit. These were meant for my eyes, and my eyes only.

Actually, looking around, my regained sober-dom let me realize that everyone was wearing different clothes. _How long was I out?_

"Bella... this isn't going to be easy to hear," began Carlisle forestalling any questions I might have about the length of my (second?) bout of unconciousness. He sat down on Alice's other side so he could hold my hand. _How brave of him, after I basically mind-raped him._

"I'm all ears, doc," I joked weakly. **(A/N: Prepare for the suspension of belief...)**

"Well, after I knocked you out with the dose of morphine, I gave you a rudimentary physical examination... but that gave me a suspicion of something worse going on, so I set up a clean room in my office and performed an endoscopy on you. I hope you don't mind, but I rang Charlie and asked him for consent, since you were unconcious."

I nodded, knowing more was to come, and vaguely remembering what endoscopies were from Biology.

"Bella, what I found isn't good." Carlisle looked very serious. I looked him straight in the eye, grateful for Alice's solid presence at my back.

"You have a condition called endometriosis." I stared at him blankly, uncomprehending. I was uncomfortable with how solemn everyone in the room was.

"...and what does endo-whatsitsface... do?" I asked finally. Carlisle looked as though he was about to give me some doctor lingo, so I forestalled him.

"In english, please Carlisle..." I began, then corrected," Bella-friendly english. Thanks." Alice giggled a little beneath me, and that lessened the unbearable tension in the room somewhat for a moment.

"Basically put, Bella, it creates lesions in your ovaries. These were aggravated by your menstrual bleeding and that's what caused your undue pain." I sensed a 'but' coming. "But," - _ah, there it is_ -" I'm afraid it's a bit more serious than that."

I gave him a 'get on with it' look.

"A serious symptom of endometriosis is... infertility."

There was a heavy silence.

Then, suddenly, everyone began talking at once.

"Bella, everything's gona be okay-"

"Bells, we're here for you, it's okay to cry!"

"Just let it out honey-"

"We've been through the same thing-"

"Enough!" I finally yelled, probably a bit too loud. Everyone fell silent. I turned calmly to Carlisle, who was watching me with his perfect brow furrowed.

"Do I have to have surgery to get rid of the lesions?" He nodded slowly, wondering at my change of topic.

"That would be the normal case, but your lesions are quite advanced... It would be advisable to have a hysterectomy."

I nodded, still strangely calm.

"Does Charlie know about me being barren?" I felt the women in the room flinch when I said the word.

Carlisle nodded again.

"Okay then." I was silent for a few more moments, then I looked around at all the concerned vampires. Rosalie was clinging onto Emmett, and both of them were staring pitifully at me. Edward was kneeling at my feet, radiating worry. Esme was clinging onto me in a one-armed hug, and I was still cradled by Alice - whose face I couldn't see. Jasper looked like I felt - numb.

"I need," I began, then stopped. I looked them each in the eye, before continuing. " I need some human experiences."

When they remained silent, I elaborated.

"I need a drink."

**A/N: Okay, so don't hate me! When I got all your reviews for the last chapter, everyone was either confused or laughing their ass off. NOTE TO SELF: stop trying to introduce angst and/or plot into inanely fluffy fics! I have realized (belatedly) that this fic serves one purpose and one purpose only; amusement! **

**So, this was the shitty chappie of me trying to dig myself outta the emo hole I dug in the last chappie.**

**Again; sorry! Won't happen again! *bows head sheepishly***

**Bella: **Godsake, I barely had any italic thoughts in this chapter! Never mind the fact that I didn't ryhme any words!

**Me: **But I let you get high on morphine-

**Bella: **ENOUGH! Back to your cage!

**Me: **Sigh.

**VV Review VV**

**Or else Bella doesn't get drunk... yeah, I'm not below blackmail.**

**Love you guys ^^**


	8. He's butch

_I was silent for a few more moments, then I looked around at all the concerned vampires. Rosalie was clinging onto Emmett, and both of them were staring pitifully at me. Edward was kneeling at my feet, radiating worry. Esme was clinging onto me in a one-armed hug, and I was still cradled by Alice - whose face I couldn't see. Jasper looked like I felt - numb._

_"I need," I began, then stopped. I looked them each in the eye, before continuing. " I need some human experiences."_

_When they remained silent, I elaborated._

_"I need a drink."_

I eyed the line-up appreciatively. Alice never did anything half way.

I was actually surprised that the Cullens were game with this, especially Edward. He was so prudish, always saying things like _Ooh, drugs gonna geeeeet yoooooooooooo!_ Except, well, not that gay-ish. He's butch. Grr.

"Okey doke, so what do we have here, exactly?" I asked, rubbing my hands together with anticipation. There were so many _colours!_

All the Cullens were seated around me and the table of alcoholic goodness. After setting a date for my hysterectomy operation-thingy (it was, like, the day after tomorrow or something), Carlisle had driven off with Alice, Emmett and Jasper in search of the nearest off licence. For once, I didn't care how much they spent on me.

Emmett and Jasper were chuckling darkly, Esme and Carlisle were watching with that vague parental concern that parents have when they know nothing bad can_ really_ happen, _I mean, they are vampires for Chrissakes... and he's a doctor. This is as safe as hardcore drinking gets._ Edward was clearly torn between amusement and worry, and Rosalie was watching us all magnanimously over her nail file.

_Wait, why does a vampire need a nail file?_

_Anyway..._

Alice was by my feet, cross legged, pointing out the drinks proudly. The whole room had this slight sense of surreality to it... I think we were all kind of in shock. Nothing like repressing your emotions to enjoy family activities!

"Okay, so, this clear stuff is vodka" Alice began, pointing at a large glass bottle. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, duh." Alice shushed me and continued.

As Alice pointed out the various coloured liquids, I let my mind wander a bit. _Will I be a happy drunk, or a sad drunk, or a horny drunk...?_ Well, I'm all over Alice all the time anyway, so it won't make a difference if I'm the latter.

Impatient to get the show on the road, I interrupted Alice again.

"So what am I having first?" She grinned at me, enjoying the game as usual. She made everything into a game. It made life a lot more fun.

"Here!" She pressed a can into my hands.

"We'll start with the boring stuff, then work our way up." I peered at the can's label; Budweiser. _Okay then, here we go._

I raised my can to the expectant vampires.

"Cheers!" Not wanting to pussy around the matter, I began chugging. The bitter taste of the beer hit my tongue like a sack of wet barley. Which it was, sort of. When the can was half-empty, I slammed it back down onto the table, and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Emmett cheered and I giggled.

"Bella, I just want you to know, before you get too drunk, that you're not allowed yell at us when you get the inevitable hangover." Edward dead panned.

"Yeah, it's gonna be torture. I Saw it." warned Alice.

"Yeah yeah, gotcha," I muttered. Swirling the remaining beer in my mouth around, I appraised it. "S'alright... bit bitter, but nice enough." I concluded to the awaiting vampires.

"Next!" sang Alice, pressing a glass into my hand. This was gonna be an _awesome_ night.

Several cocktails, a few shots and a Guinness later, I was well and truly sloshed.

"Alish!" I slurred happily," thish ish the besht thing... everr! I neeeed to get drunk like lotsh and lotsh more. Yay for drink!" I cried, throwing my arms in the air. Edward caught the flying glass with expert ease.

"Bella, I think it's time for you to go to bed," giggled my sexy gorgeous amazing fuckable god she's hot... She was sitting next to me on the lovely nice white leather couch. _I wonder how lovely and nice and white it would be after I fucked her silly on it?_

"Only if yooooo come to bed with me..." I purred, winking sloppily. The Cullens were all giggling at me, except for Jasper, who appeared to be feeling every bit of my drunkeness. He had been fairly quiet all evening, but now he made his presence known.

"Oh my sweet Johoseph..." he groaned, staggering gracefully to his feet. It was funny seeing a vampire stumble, and the rest of the Cullens watched in amazement as he made his way over to Edward, who was leaning againt my couch's armrest.

"Bella, you amaaaaazing woman!" he purred appreciatively, "I am soo getting you drunk, like, every single day. This is... fucking fantastic!"

I roared with laughter at his cussing. "I fucking knoow! Right?"

Edward seemed at a loss as Jasper draped himself around the shorter vampire. The tall blonder leaned in and whispered something indecipherable into Edward's ear, and to the room's mutual amusement (besides Esme and Carlisle's shock and embarrassment) cupped Edward through his trousers.

He stiffened, but not in that way, as far as i could see.

"Jasper! G-get a hold of yourself!" he hissed, his eyes swiveling towards his watching family in mortification.

"It's not me I want to get a hold of, kitten," Jasper said seductively, and loudly. He cupped Edward more tightly through his khakis. Edward's eyes were black, and it was quite a sexy scene to watch, albeit amusing. Poor Eddiekins, reaching the end of his short tether, gathered the psuedo-drunk vampire into his arms and ran off into the dark forrest.

I burst into giggles again.

"Alice! Hahaaaaaa- they're- heheeeahaaaa- worse than us!" I managed to splutter out.

"I soo didn't need to see that," said Emmett, amused, but looking slightly frightened.

"Yes, I don't think any of us ever imagined we would see Jasper... drunk." grinned Alice. _Which reminded me..._

I swung myself with surprising agility over onto Alice's lap so I was straddling her.

"Alice Cullen," I began very seriously. Rosalie snorted in the background.

"Yes Bella?" she trilled. I licked my lips and grinned lecherously.

"If you don't fuck me right now I'm going to have to take care of things myself." I stated rather matter-of-factly. There was a variety of laughs, gasps and snorts from behind me but I didn't care. There was a lonely pink vibrator up in our bedside table, just begging to be misused.

Alice's eyes widened.

"You're completely unpredictable when you're drunk," she gasped. "I _love_ it!"

"Byeeee" I trilled to the remaind of my surrogate family as I was whisked up the stairs by an impatient vampire.

"I think I might just love alcohol," I sighed as Alice threw me non-too-gently onto our bed.

"I think I might too," she replied sincerely from against my neck.

**A/N: Hi. Kay. Have I redeemed myself slightly? Next chapter; more hot Bellice sex, with a surprising twist.**

**PLEASE READ! IT WILL BENEFIT YOU LIKE VIBRATORS BENEFIT MANKIND!**

**BY THE WAY! I have decided something. Since this fic has no descernable ending, I want YOU, yes, you! The reviewers! To tell me WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN. You can tell me anything you like, from the entire plot to maybe just a scene you want to happen. I'm not saying I'll use all of them, but I'll try to use as many as possible! Human experiences, coming out to her school friends, going clubbing... whatever you guys want!**

**sooo... VVVVVV REVIEW VVVVVV**


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